[coco2]

A woman walked into the kitchen to find her husband stalking around with a fly swater.

"What are you doing?" she asked.

"Hunting flies" he responded.

"Oh! Killing any?" she asked.

"Yep, 3 males, 2 females" he replied.

Intrigued, she asked, "how can you tell them apart?"

He responded,
"3 were on a beer can, 2 were on the phone"

[Buffalo-jon]

this may have been posted before. But I can't find it...




An Irishman goes into the confessional
box after years of being away from the Church..


Surprised, there's a fully equipped bar with Guinness on tap.
On the other wall is a dazzling array of the finest cigars and chocolates.


Then the priest comes in.
"Father, forgive me, for it's been a very long time since I've been to confession, but I must first admit that the confessional box is much more inviting than it used to be."

The priest replies: "Get out. You're on my side

[Buffalo-jon]

seems appropriate.

[John_V]

My wife was hinting about what she wanted for our upcoming anniversary. She said, "I want something shiny that goes from 0 to 150 in about 3 seconds." I bought her a bathroom scale.

And that's how the fight started......


My wife was standing nude, looking in the bedroom mirror. She was not happy with what she saw and said to me, "I feel horrible; I look old, fat and ugly. I really need you to pay me a compliment." I replied, "Well, your eyesight's damn near perfect."

And that's how the fight started......


After retiring, I went to the Social Security office to apply for Social Security.
The woman behind the counter asked me for my driver's license to verify my age. I looked in my pockets and realized I had left my wallet at home. I told the woman that I was very sorry, but I would have to go home and come back later. The woman said, "Unbutton your shirt." So I opened my shirt revealing my curly silver hair. She said, "That silver hair on your chest is proof enough for me!", and she processed my Social Security application. When I got home, I excitedly told my wife about my experience at the Social Security office. She said, "You should have dropped your pants because you might have gotten disability too."

And that's how the fight started......

[carlharsch]

........

[Buffalo-jon]

you can tell this guy is a cyclist......

[Buffalo-jon]

Stumbled across this guy's site, I like the cyclist perspective....

[coco2]

A woman is at home when she hears someone knock at the door. She goes to the door and opens the door to see a man standing there. He asks the lady,
'Do you have a vagina?' She slams the door in disgust.

The next morning she hears a knock at the door and it is the same man and he asks the same question of the woman, 'Do you have a vagina?' She slams the door again.
Later that night when her husband gets home she tells him what has happened for the last two days.

The husband tells the wife in a loving and concerned voice
'Honey, I am taking tomorrow off to be home just in case this guy shows up again.'
The next morning they hear a knock and both run for the door.
The husband says to the wife in a whispered voice, 'Honey, I'm going to hide behind the door and listen and if it is the same guy I want you to answer yes to the question because I want to see where the b**tard is going with it.'

She nods yes to her husband and opens the door.
Sure enough the same fellow is standing there and asks the same question; 'Do you have vagina'?

'Yes, actually I have,' she says.

The man replies..
'Good! Would you mind telling your husband to leave my wife's alone and start using yours?'

[salvage_bikes]

http://www.bannedinhollywood.com/wp-content/themes/morning/functions/theme/thumb.php?src=http://www.bannedinhollywood.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/03/st-patricks-day-drunk-fail-wasted-17.jpg&w=630&h=350&zc=1&a=c
drunk crawling on fwy, hope he's ok.

Originally Posted by Gomez

A completely inebriated man was stumbling down the street with one foot on the curb and one foot in the gutter. A cop pulled up and said, "I've got to take you in, pal. You're obviously drunk."

Our wasted friend asked, "Officer, are ya absolutely sure I'm drunk?"

"Yeah, buddy, I'm sure," said the copper. "Let's go."

Breathing a sigh of relief, the wino said, "Thank goodness, I thought I was crippled."

[salvage_bikes]

http://www.imcdb.org/images/077/622.jpg from Idiocracy

Originally Posted by coco2

Was following a rubbish truck down the road the other day when a dildo flew out of the back and hit our windscreen.
To hide her embarrasment the other half turned to the kids and said
"My that was a big insect"
To which the 9yr old replies "I'm surprised it could fly with a cock that size"