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Joke Thread

393K views 5K replies 117 participants last post by  Buffalo-jon 
#1 ·
post your favorite funnies here.


An 80-year-old man went to his doctor for his annual checkup. The doctor asks him how he's feeling. The 80-year-old says, "I've never felt better. I have an 18-year-old bride who is pregnant with my child. What do you think about that?"

The doctor considers his question for a minute . and says, "I have a friend who is an avid hunter and never misses a season. One day when he was going out in a bit of a hurry, he accidentally picked up his umbrella rather than his gun. When he got to the creek, he saw a beaver sitting beside the stream of water. He raised his umbrella and went; "Bang,bang," and the beaver fell over dead. What do you think about that?"

The 80-year-old said, "I'd say somebody else shot that beaver."

The doctor replied, "My point exactly."
 
#4,468 ·
A big Texan cowboy stopped at a local restaurant,
following a day of drinking and roaming around in Mexico.
While sipping his tequila, he noticed a sizzling,
scrumptious looking, platter being served at the next table.
Not only did it look good, the smell was wonderful.
...
He asked the waiter,
"What is that you just served?"
The waiter replied,
"Ah senor, you have excellent taste!
Those are bull's testicles from the bull fight this morning. A delicacy!"
The cowboy, though momentarily daunted, said,
"What the heck, I'm on vacation down here! Bring me an order!"
The waiter replied,
"I am so sorry senor. There is only one serving per day,
because there is only one bull fight each morning.
If you come early tomorrow and place your order,
we will be sure to save you this delicacy"!
The next morning, the cowboy returned, placed his order, and then,
that evening he was served the one and only special delicacy of the day.
After a few bites, and inspecting the contents of his platter,
he called to the waiter and said,
"These are delicious, but they are much, much smaller than
the ones I saw you serve yesterday!"
The waiter shrugged his shoulders and replied,
,
"Si, Senor. Sometimes the bull wins."
 
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