[rola643]

I find humor in some of the things that get posted to Facebook. The two that struck me this morning:

1.Ever get the feeling it's going to be a talk to the hand and if you have any questions consult the middle finger kinda day?

2.My doctor asked if any members of my family suffered from insanity, I told him, no, we all seem to enjoy it.

 

[Nigal]

It's a dog eat dog world and I'm wearing Milkbone underware.

 

[Xela]

I like #1 a lot, Rola!

Buddy of mine posted, "I typed 'Ninjas' into an online thesaurus, and it said, 'Ninjas cannot be found.' Well played, Ninjas. Well played."

 

[Industry_Hack]

We do a QOTD regularly at work. Here's a few:

"Too bad you and I aren't paid by the stupid. We would be billionaires."

"No snacks for you, you've got fireworks." Yeah, that's how this dad rolls.

"If you hear someone say that I passed out, please don't let them draw on my face with a Sharpie"

"I can let you talk, but I can't make you smarter"

"Tomorrow, not a single **** will be given. I assure you."

"Unfortunately, 'I have no f***ing idea' is not an acceptable response in my office."

Customer: 'We don't have our Server here. It's managed by someone else... it's in the cloud."

Here's one a friend posted on his Facebook:
Me: 'Hey, five years ago this week, we first met.'
Wife: 'Yeah. Not much has changed. We're sitting here watching TV and your house is still a mess.'

 

[funetical]

We do a QOTD regularly at work.
"If you hear someone say that I passed out, please don't let them draw on my face with a Sharpie"

If their shoes are on it's fair game.

I've had more stuff written on my face than I can remember.

 

[rola643]

A tongue weighs very little, but very few people can hold it...

 

[rola643]

From a cycling friend on FB:

Read with Caution! To you fat McDonald's eating A'hole driving that old busted up non-hotness you blew your horn and screamed out your window because you are jealous you can't pedal a bicycle 25 mph down a hilly road and not to mention my hotness bicycle is worth more than you PIECE OF CRAP!!!! Next time just hit me rather than scaring the living crap out of me for no REASON!!!!! JERK on waterlick!!!

 

[Industry_Hack]

Here's an exchange between myself and one of my technicians, copied on my wall for the whole world to see -

10:41 AM Brian: Every time you open Facebook at work, a pony with a kitten on its back falls down a well

10:42 AM Sheri: Lol
I've killed a ton of ponies and kittens

 

[Weav]

‎"Outside of the killings, Washington has one of the lowest crime rates
in the country,"

-- Mayor Marion Barry, Washington, DC.

 

[rola643]

Crazy ass Virginia drivers were out in full force today!! Forget world peace..these people need to visualize using their damn turn signal!! There must have been an "I suck at driving" convention in Hampton Roads today...geez.

My good friend Jeanne, she's always good for one!

 

[rola643]

If at first you don't succeed...you did it wrong...let's just leave it at that.

 

[rola643]

I know the Lord place me where I'm at for a reason, but seriously...look at the people I have to deal with...He can't seriously expect me to be good, right??

 

[rola643]

Ok, so maybe I wasn't as productive as I could have been this weekend, but in my head I was very busy

 

[rola643]

Today was a day where I was almost bored, yet I had no real desire to do anything...so I didn't. Hope this isn't a precursor to the week!!

 

[Xela]

I think you need to post that picture of the people on the jet-ski that you shared over on FB. I liked that.

 

[Industry_Hack]

"I see things that other people don't". Because I face the window.

 

[froze]

She's got more chins than the Hong Kong telephone book.

She's like Taco Bell. When people see her, they run for the border.

If sex were fast food, you'd have an arch over your head.

For two cents I'd give you a piece of my mind, and all of yours.

They said you were a great asset. I told them they were off by two letters.

He's the first in his family born without a tail.

Whatever is eating you, must be suffering horribly.

I don't know what makes you so stupid, but it really works!

You are about as useful as a windshield wiper on a goat's ass.

I wonder how many angels could dance on his head?

You should be the poster child for birth control.

You're so fat, when you wear a yellow rain coat people scream ''taxi''.

 

[rola643]

You are about as useful as a windshield wiper on a goat's ass.

Now I like that one!

 

[rola643]

From my friend Jeanne, apparently she has to much time on her hands

Some people's birth certificate is nothing more than an apology letter from the condom factory!!

 

[ksr5]

Some days your the bug and some days your the windshield.