Joke Thread

Discussion in 'Off Topic' started by spencer, May 6, 2009.

  1. MilesR

    MilesR Mom's Taxi Tavern Member

    4,014
    6,797
    113
  2. MilesR

    MilesR Mom's Taxi Tavern Member

    4,014
    6,797
    113

  3. MilesR

    MilesR Mom's Taxi Tavern Member

    4,014
    6,797
    113
  4. MilesR

    MilesR Mom's Taxi Tavern Member

    4,014
    6,797
    113
  5. MilesR

    MilesR Mom's Taxi Tavern Member

    4,014
    6,797
    113
  6. MilesR

    MilesR Mom's Taxi Tavern Member

    4,014
    6,797
    113
  7. MilesR

    MilesR Mom's Taxi Tavern Member

    4,014
    6,797
    113
  8. MilesR

    MilesR Mom's Taxi Tavern Member

    4,014
    6,797
    113
  9. MilesR

    MilesR Mom's Taxi Tavern Member

    4,014
    6,797
    113
  10. MilesR

    MilesR Mom's Taxi Tavern Member

    4,014
    6,797
    113
  11. MilesR

    MilesR Mom's Taxi Tavern Member

    4,014
    6,797
    113
  12. MilesR

    MilesR Mom's Taxi Tavern Member

    4,014
    6,797
    113
  13. MilesR

    MilesR Mom's Taxi Tavern Member

    4,014
    6,797
    113
  14. maelochs

    maelochs Old, fat, and slow

    658
    1,353
    93
    That was as surprising and offensive as any blonde joke I have ever heard. Brutal and hilarious.
     
    John_V likes this.
  15. MilesR

    MilesR Mom's Taxi Tavern Member

    4,014
    6,797
    113
    I used to get the best blonde jokes from a blonde waitress at my favorite breakfast restaurant.
     
    John_V likes this.
  16. MilesR

    MilesR Mom's Taxi Tavern Member

    4,014
    6,797
    113
  17. MilesR

    MilesR Mom's Taxi Tavern Member

    4,014
    6,797
    113
  18. MilesR

    MilesR Mom's Taxi Tavern Member

    4,014
    6,797
    113
  19. MilesR

    MilesR Mom's Taxi Tavern Member

    4,014
    6,797
    113
    [​IMG]
    RED SKELTON'S RECIPE FOR THE PERFECT MARRIAGE

    1. Two times a week we go to a nice restaurant, have a little beverage, good food and companionship. She goes on Tuesdays, I go on Fridays.

    2. We also sleep in separate beds. Hers is in California and mine is in Texas.

    3. I take my wife everywhere, but she keeps finding her way back.

    4. I asked my wife where she wanted to go for our anniversary. "Somewhere I haven't been in a long time!" she said. So I suggested the kitchen.

    5. We always hold hands. If I let go, she shops.

    6. She has an electric blender, electric toaster and electric bread maker. She said "There are too many gadgets, and no place to sit down!" So I bought her an electric chair.

    7. My wife told me the car wasn't running well because there was water in the carburetor. I asked where the car was. She told me, "In the lake."

    8. She got a mud pack and looked great for two days. Then the mud fell off.

    9. She ran after the garbage truck, yelling, "Am I too late for the garbage?" The driver said, "No, jump in!".

    10. Remember: Marriage is the number one cause of divorce.

    11. I married Miss Right. I just didn't know her first name was 'Always'.

    12. I haven't spoken to my wife in 18 months. I don't like to interrupt her.

    13. The last fight was my fault though. My wife asked, "What's on the TV?"
    I said, "Dust!".
     
    FRISKY, John_V and Dos_Ruedas like this.
  20. MilesR

    MilesR Mom's Taxi Tavern Member

    4,014
    6,797
    113
    An elderly Italian man living alone in New Jersey . wanted to plant his annual tomato garden, but it was very difficult work, since the ground was hard. His only son, Vincent, who used to help him, was in prison. The old man wrote a letter to his son and described his predicament:

    Dear Vincent,
    I am feeling pretty sad, because it looks like I won’t be able to plant my tomato garden this year. I’m just getting too old to be digging up a garden plot. I know if you were here my troubles would be over.. I know you would be happy to dig the plot for me, like in the old days.
    Love, Papa

    A few days later he received a letter from his son.

    Dear Pop,
    Don’t dig up that garden. That’s where the bodies are buried.
    Love,
    Vinnie

    At 4 a.m. the next morning, FBI agents and local police arrived and dug up the entire area without finding any bodies. They apologized to the old man and left. That same day the old man received another letter from his son.

    Dear Pop,
    Go ahead and plant the tomatoes now. That’s the best I could do under the circumstances.
    Love you,
     
    John_V and Dos_Ruedas like this.