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Two skinny J's
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21,517 Posts
Discussion Starter · #1 ·
I saw this on another forum and think I remember seeing it in the past, anyway it seemed to strike a cord given a few of my recent past rides....and I AINT the fast one !

Cyclists are the biggest sandbaggers and secret trainers around.
They'll say anything to soften you up for the kill. Don 't let this happen to you. Study this handy rider's phrasebook to find out what they really mean when they say:

"I'm out of shape"
Translation: I ride 400 miles a week and haven't missed a day since the Ford administration. I replace my 11-tooth cog more often than you wash your shorts. My body fat percentage is lower than your mortgage rate.

"I'm not into competition. I'm just riding to stay in shape"
Translation: I will attack until you collapse in the gutter, babbling and whimpering. I will win the line sprint if I have to force you into oncoming traffic. I will crest this hill first if I have to grab your seat post, and spray energy drink in your eyes.

"I'm on my beater bike"
Translation: I had this baby custom-made in Tuscany using Carbon Fiber blessed by the Pope. I took it to a wind tunnel and it disappeared. It weighs less than a fart and costs more than a divorce.

"It's not that hilly"
Translation: This climb lasts longer than a presidential campaign. Be careful on the steep sections or you'll fall over -- backward. You only have a 39x23 low gear? Here's the name of my knee surgeon.

"You're doing great, honey"
Translation: Yo, lard ass, I'd like to get home before midnight. This is what you get for spending the winter decorating and eating chocolate. I shoulda married that cute Cat 1 racer when I had the chance.

"This is a no-drop ride"
Translation: I'll need an article of your clothing for the search-and- rescue dogs.

"It's not that far"
Translation: Bring your passport.
 

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Yesterday tired old man, Today retired old man
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4,311 Posts
"I'm on my beater bike"
Translation: I had this baby custom-made in Tuscany using Carbon Fiber blessed by the Pope. I took it to a wind tunnel and it disappeared. It weighs less than a fart and costs more than a divorce.
I am on the floor I cant stop laughing. All of it was good but that just went over the top for me
 

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Premium Member
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12,350 Posts
The first time, I had left my road bike locked up in her storage unit. The 2nd time, I had two custom bikes, and had to give her the XC bike since I kept the tandem.
 

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Banned
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1,501 Posts
I only date girls that are at least 2 frame sizes smaller than mine.
 

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Premium Member
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12,350 Posts
I got the house, the dogs, my motorcycle, the tandem, and just about everything else. She got my bike and I gave her the Grand Cherokee, which I bought for her anyway. No worries, I'm over it.
 

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Two skinny J's
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21,517 Posts
Discussion Starter · #12 · (Edited)
Thought I would give this a bump, I still get a good laugh out of these.

LEOON2 your latest post out of gas made me think about this :)
 

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Registered
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98 Posts
I saw this on another forum and think I remember seeing it in the past, anyway it seemed to strike a cord given a few of my recent past rides....and I AINT the fast one !

Cyclists are the biggest sandbaggers and secret trainers around.
They'll say anything to soften you up for the kill. Don 't let this happen to you. Study this handy rider's phrasebook to find out what they really mean when they say:

"I'm out of shape"
Translation: I ride 400 miles a week and haven't missed a day since the Ford administration. I replace my 11-tooth cog more often than you wash your shorts. My body fat percentage is lower than your mortgage rate.

"I'm not into competition. I'm just riding to stay in shape"
Translation: I will attack until you collapse in the gutter, babbling and whimpering. I will win the line sprint if I have to force you into oncoming traffic. I will crest this hill first if I have to grab your seat post, and spray energy drink in your eyes.

"I'm on my beater bike"
Translation: I had this baby custom-made in Tuscany using Carbon Fiber blessed by the Pope. I took it to a wind tunnel and it disappeared. It weighs less than a fart and costs more than a divorce.

"It's not that hilly"
Translation: This climb lasts longer than a presidential campaign. Be careful on the steep sections or you'll fall over -- backward. You only have a 39x23 low gear? Here's the name of my knee surgeon.

"You're doing great, honey"
Translation: Yo, lard ass, I'd like to get home before midnight. This is what you get for spending the winter decorating and eating chocolate. I shoulda married that cute Cat 1 racer when I had the chance.

"This is a no-drop ride"
Translation: I'll need an article of your clothing for the search-and- rescue dogs.

"It's not that far"
Translation: Bring your passport.
Two years late, but bwahahahah!!! lol
 

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Premium Member
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8,414 Posts
I got taken for a ride/sandbagged yesterday. I was leading a Cat 4 intro ride and two women showed up. One, on her son's "Columbia MTB" which was grossly maladjusted and way too small for her; she started riding last week. The other was a woman with a BMI in the 0.0000 decimal point range. She opened up the trunk of her minivan and took out....A celeste Bianchi with chrome plated rear triangle and fork, all campy etc. She had the ORIGINAL look clipless pedals and shoes. I get this story how she just wants to get back on the bike, it's been over ten years, etc etc etc. So we lead out, I'm going a gentle 12-14 mph and she totally dropped us; off like a .223 round. I couldn't light up the pace because I had the other woman with me. We did 18 miles and regroup and the sandbagger said "Yeah, that was a good stretch of the legs" while the other woman is ready to drop onto the ground and cry. So I asked the sandbagger how she felt and she said "Eh, I could go further, I have a triathlon in two weeks."
 

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Yesterday tired old man, Today retired old man
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4,311 Posts
What is funny to me is I keep comeing back to this post, it is in my head realy in my head
 

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American Expatriate
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248 Posts
I sandbag people all the time...I am even slower than I tell them:D
 

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Registered
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1,223 Posts
People have tried to ride to slower than I do, but they have a big problem. What is that??? They have a problem staying upright going that slow. Falling over at my speed is a distinct possibility.
 

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Two skinny J's
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21,517 Posts
Discussion Starter · #19 ·
After reading INTEGRATE's comments on Poolies IDIDARIDE thread I thought about this post :D
 

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The Back Row
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2,514 Posts
That's some funny stuff. I went on a "no drop" group ride a couple of weeks ago, I got dropped twice. The first time I caught up with them around the next turn. The second time I got a flat, dropped, that time what "no drop" meant was that when I finished changing my flat the C group would catch up and I would have someone to ride with. :rolleyes:

I didn't know the way (since it was my first time with this group) so after changing my flat I was punching in the address where my car was parked when the C group rolled up.
 
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