[photosbymark]

Twas the night before Christmas and all through the house. Not a creature was stirring, not even a mouse

The stockings were hung by the chimney with care, with hopes that new bike stuff would soon be in there.

The kids were all nestled all snug in their beds. With hats on their head, and their shoe covers for warm toes, they were warm and toasty even though its twenty below.

When out on the lawn I heard such a clash, I knew in an instant it had to be a Tour de France crash. Away to the window I flew like a flash, I tore open the shutters and threw up the sash.

The moon on the breast of the new fallen snow gave the luster of mid day to the objects below. When what to my wondering eye did suddenly appear. But a Long Haul trucker and a big sack of beer.

With an old man for a rider, not too lively or quick. I think to myself, could this be Saint Nick?

More rapid the down hill from a ramp he did jump, and up on the house top he hit with a thump. As I quickly as I could, I turned around, and an instant down the chimney he came with a bound.

Bibs all covered in fur from his head to his foot, covered in chain grease that had blended with soot. His eyes how they twinkled so jolly and merry, and a belly that shook like a bowl filled with jelly. His nose was round and colored bright red, that I knew in an instant he had to be a Fred.

He spoke not a word, but got right to work. Pulling the barbed wire right out of his butt, I knew in a flash he had just been hit by a nut. He filled all the stockings with gels and cliff bars, and then added some shot blocks and gift cards to nashbar.

Then laying a finger beside his nose in a flash up the chimney he goes. He sprang to his bike and then gave a whistle down the roof to the ramp he did fly, to a ramp to make his goodbye.

I heard him exclaim as he flew out of sight,
Merry Christmas to all, as he turned on his headlight

 

[ksr5]

( His nose was round and colored bright red, that I knew in an instant he had to be a Fred.)

I love this line thanks for making me laugh and Merry Christmas!!!!

 

[wild]

That reminds me, the outher day I was rideing down the swamp road and a pickup pulls along side and the guy puts down the window, he yells out to me, I don't care what your name is keep them raindeer off my roof .
I am still laughing caus I was thinking, down here in the swamp it might be one of us pines that had a fue.

 

[CTD50]

A little excerpt from an old MAD Magazine, in the 70's, referring to the expected pre-2000 population explosion:

'Twas the night before Christmas
And all through the gloom,
Not a creature was stirring
There just wasn't room.
The stockings were hanging
In numbers so great,
We feared that the walls
Would collapse from the weight!

(I wish I still had the mag, so I could remember the rest)

 

[chazco]

December 27, 2006
Wednesday is MAD Poetry Day: MAD Magazine
Quite simply, anything from MAD Magazine needs no introduction, save for the legal stuff: Copyright 1999, by E.C. Publications, this selection is from the December 1995, Super-Special #109 issue:

The Night Before Christmas, 1999 or St. Nicholas Meets the Population Explosion
(with apologies to Clement Clarke Moore)
'Twas the night before Christmas,
And all through the gloom
Not a creature was stirring;
There just wasn't room;
The stockings were hanging
In numbers so great,
We feared that the walls
Would collapse from the weight!

The children like cattle
Were packed off to bed;
We took a quick count;
There were three-hundred head;
Not to mention the grown-ups--
Those hundreds of dozens
Of uncles and inlaws
And twice-removed cousins!

When outside the house
There arose such a din!
I wanted to look
But the mob held me in;
With pushing and shoving
And cursing out loud,
In forty-five minutes
I squeezed through the crowd!

Outside on the lawn
I could see a fresh snow
Had covered the people
Asleep down below;
And up in the sky
What should strangely appear
But an overweight sleigh
Pulled by countless reindeer!

They pulled and they tugged
And they wheezed as they came,
And the red-suited driver
Called each one by name:
"Now, Dasher! Now, Dancer!
Now, Prancer and Vixen!
On, comet! On, Cupid!
On Donder and Blitzen!"

"Now, Melvin! Now, Marvin!
Now, Albert and Jasper!
On, Sidney! On, Seymour!
On Harvey and Casper!
Now, Clifford! Now, Max"--
But he stopped, far from through;
Our welcoming house-top
Was coming in view!

Direct to our house-top
The reindeer then sped
With the sleigh full of toys
And St. Nick at the head;
And then like an earthquake
I heard on the roof
The clomping and pounding
Of each noisy hoof!

Before I could holler
A warning of doom,
The whole aggregation
Fell into the room;
And under a mountain
Of plaster and brick
Mingled inlaws and reindeer
And me and St. Nick;

He panted and sighed
Like a man who was weary;
His shoulders were stooped
And his outlook was dreary:
"I'm way behind schedule,"
He said with a sigh,
"And I've been on the road
Since the first of July!"
'Twas then that I noticed
The great, monstrous sack,
Which he barely could hold
On his poor, creaking back;
"Confound it!" he moaned,
"Though my bag's full of toys,
I'm engulfed by the birthrate
Of new girls and boys!"

Then, filling the stockings,
He shook his sad face,
"This job is a killer!
I can't take the pace!
This cluttered old world
Is beyond my control!
There are even millions
Up at the North Pole!"

"Now I'm late!" he exclaimed, "And I really must hurry!
By now I should be over Joplin, Missouri!"
But he managed to sigh as he drove out of sight,
"Happy Christmas to all, and to all a good night!"

 

[SixtyPlus]

"But a Long Haul trucker and a big sack of beer" Still laughing!! Great line!

 

[kneedrachen]

I was hoping I'd get some EPO in my stocking this year....

I hear instead of coal, I might get an autographed copy of "It's Not About the Bike"

 

[kneedrachen]

or a backdated prescription

 

[ksr5]

( His nose was round and colored bright red, that I knew in an instant he had to be a Fred.)

I love this line thanks for making me laugh and Merry Christmas!!!!

okay I did not post this! whats up

 

[rola643]

okay I did not post this! whats up

Are you sure? It's like a year old

 

[ksr5]

okay maybe I did I did not look at the date