You Know You're a Cyclist When...

Discussion in 'General Bike Discussion' started by fpl1, Mar 28, 2016.

  1. fpl1

    fpl1 Well-Known Member Tavern Member

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    Ran across this and thought it was pretty good.



    1.you’ve given your bike a nickname.
    2.you know that pain is just fear leaving your body, before it returns through your hamstrings.
    3.you’ve heard the words “Just a friendly ride, no one gets dropped” while rapidly falling back in the pack.
    4.you can tell your wife with a straight face that it’s too hot to mow the lawn, then bike off for a century.
    5.You know you’re a cyclist when you dream of winning the lottery and which bikes you’ll be able to buy?
    6.you buy a car based on whether or not a bike will fit in the trunk/back, with the rear seat folded down.
    7.you hate headwinds, hills and trucks parked on the shoulder of any descent.
    8.you forget all the pain, headwinds, humidity and hills within days of a long ride, and start dreaming about the next.
    9.you’ve washed off that chain ring grease “tattoo” on your calf so often that you went ahead and got a real one there.
    10.You know you’re a cyclist when, like war vets carrying shrapnel under their skin, your souvenirs are pebbles and gravel housed around your elbows and knees.
    11.when camping, your bike stays with you in your tent.
    12.you wear a heart rate monitor during sex.
    13.you’ve considered what can still be accomplished in life while a broken collarbone heals.
    14.you’ve misplaced an hour of your life cursing, sweating and twisting a wrench, unaware that one of the pedals threads the opposite way.
    15.You know you’re a cyclist when your loved ones have assigned a separate hamper for your dirty bike clothes, and placed a hazmat label on it.
    16.your hands have a strange tan that looks remarkably similar to the pattern on your cycling gloves.
    17.weather forecasts can be broken down into 2 categories: good biking weather, bad biking weather.
    18.you find out you are going to have a child and the first thing you think about is how you will schedule your rides to avoid divorce and still be a parent.
    19.you spend twice the money on cycling kits then you do work clothes.
    20.You know you’re a cyclist when you’ve been involved in deal making with a higher power to get through a climb you know will last longer than a political campaign.
    21.you can ID five brands and sixteen flavors of protein bars in a blind taste test, but on most long rides you would eat wet shoe leather, properly salted and containing a balance of electrolytes, of course.
    22.approaching a rider from behind, you’ve thought, “I will attack until your lungs cease to function properly, you collapse in the gutter and call out for your grandma’s quilted afghan.” Then offered a respectful nod as you blurred by.you check out everyone else’s legs to see if they are better than yours.
    23.you can’t seem to get to work before 8:30am, but you don’t have a problem meeting your buddies at 5:30 am for a ride.
    24.there is nothing odd about having bikes in your living room.
    25.You know you’re a cyclist when you stare at other cyclists to check out their ride.
    26.you know the difference between a Presta and a Schrader valve.
    27.you know every traffic light sequence in the tri-county area for stop free pedaling.
    28.you are an expert at spotting thunderstorms, tornados, windstorms, marauding cattle and ice cream stands from a distance.
    29.You know you’re a cyclist when you have been caught in a thunderstorm while still in the saddle blinking away water and grinning all the way home.you live in fear that someone will sponsor a twelve-step program for cycling addicts and you’ll be the first one wrestled to the ground.
    30.you learned a long time ago that it doesn’t matter how light or fast, just get on that bike.
    31.you have more water bottles than you have drinking glasses.
    32.you have more cycling jerseys than work shirts.
    33.your legs are smoother than your wife’s.
    34.You know you’re a cyclist when the nicest pair of shoes you own have cleats in the soles.
    35.you have defined the 8 stages of road kill decomposition through daily observation.
    36.you get withdrawal symptoms if off the bike for more than a day.
    37.when anybody mentions distance you immediately think of how long it would take to cycle it.
    38.you point at pot holes, but you are driving in your car alone.
    39.You know you’re a cyclist when your bike is worth more than your car.
    40.you have tested your hypothermic limits and found that they can be expanded with pedal speed, layering and hot cocoa.
    41.you own more tights than a children’s theater performing Peter Pan.
    42.your wallet is clear, made of plastic and sports the designer label Ziplok.
    43.you have more up-to-date knowledge of bike specs, gear and equipment than the staff at your local shop.
    44.You know you’re a cyclist when you think about each hill as a cyclist, even when you are driving in a car.
    45.you know how many miles you rode last night, last week, last year.
    46.you have a Biker’s Tan. (bottom 2 /3 of your legs, lower 1/2 your arms, and two little circles on the tops of your hands)
    47.you get sad when your Biker’s Tan fades.
     
  2. SprocketGirl

    SprocketGirl spin... spin.. spin

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    The tan ones crack me up. I always wear full gloves on both the mtb and road bike. People stare at my snow white hands... I have given up explaining.

    I agree with the whole list except #7 absolutely no hatred of hills here.. I love, adore and look forward to them on any and every ride.

    #14 freaks me out...

    #12 is absolutely hilarious

    I am embareassed to say my nicest shoes are cycling cleats and my ncest clothes are riding kits. :eek:
     

  3. DnvrFox

    DnvrFox Still learning . . . Tavern Member

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    48. When you won't buy a house unless it is on a great bike path.
    49. You know you are an older cyclist when you know the location of every porta-potty, McDonalds and park restroom in 50 miles and plan your rides accordingly
    50. You know you are an older cyclist when, about to being passed despite your best efforts, you find that you have to turn off the route to check out - well, whatever!!
    51. When you know that "goathead" does not refer to an animal.
     
    Last edited: Mar 29, 2016
  4. rola643

    rola643 Two skinny Js Staff Member Admin Staff Mod Team Tavern Member

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    You're just not normal :eek::D

    22: Sounds good
    32: Absolutely
    44: 100% true but unlike SG...hills are not so much my friend
     
  5. rola643

    rola643 Two skinny Js Staff Member Admin Staff Mod Team Tavern Member

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    Oh and 33 just aint NEVER gonna happen. The thought of where one stops freaks me out!
     
  6. ironlungs

    ironlungs Senior Member

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    52) When walking down a corridor, you sound off "on your left" while passing another person walking.
    53) When you're driving in your car, you scan the terrain to see how "bike worthy" potential it could be.
    54) You know you're a cyclist when: you and spouse go to any department store for shopping, and you "get bored" and walk off, drifting into the bicycle department to check out ANY bicycle...other than shopping!
     
  7. fpl1

    fpl1 Well-Known Member Tavern Member

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    I totally hit some of these. When I'm driving in the car I am constantly thinking about what it would be like to ride this section, etc. I also have to slow down and check out rider's bikes. It's eye candy for me I guess. The list is pretty funny and some of them are so very true.
     
  8. superj

    superj still learning Tavern Member

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    55) you spend tons of money modifying your jeep wrangler to allow a bike mount to fit in the back for rides hours away from your house.
    56) you give up on your jeep wrangler for a truck because the bikes fit better.
     
  9. John_V

    John_V Moderator Staff Member Mod Team Tavern Member

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    57) When shopping for a new vehicle, your first consideration is, "Will the bikes fit?"
    58) You don't mind people staring at you and your vehicle as long as you know your bikes won't get wet in the rain.
     
    Last edited: Mar 30, 2016
  10. MilesR

    MilesR Mom's Taxi Tavern Member

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    #44 is so true. I am so bad, a friend (also a cyclist) and I went to see The Secret Life of Walter Mitty. As he was skateboarding down the hill I was thinking how much fun it would be to cycle up the hill.
     
  11. flan48

    flan48 Senior Member

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    That's certainly me!!

    Best regards
     
  12. ironlungs

    ironlungs Senior Member

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    59) (bikepackers will get this): you know your a biker when you aredriving in a car on a trip, and you are consistently looking into the woods to see where you can potentially camp at on your next bike adventure through the area.
     
    Last edited: Mar 29, 2016
  13. SprocketGirl

    SprocketGirl spin... spin.. spin

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    60) You only eat at places with outdoor seating so you can be near your bike at all times.
     
  14. superj

    superj still learning Tavern Member

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    i would never ever think how much fun it is to bike up a hill. the down part, yes, but not the up part.

    i think thats three people who would like the up part, so far. i think you guys have something wrong, ha ha ha. :)
     
  15. longjohn

    longjohn tall old member

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    I'm not fast at all on up hills but I do enjoy them. I waited out the rain before I left one morning on GOBA, that didn't work but it did put me with a different group of riders. These riders would see a hill up ahead and get off their bikes and start walking before they got to the hill. It was a large ride (2,700 riders) so they were pretty much all the way up the hill. I could hear the walkers talking about me and cheering me on as I climbed this one particularly long somewhat steep hill. As I crested the hill there was a big cheer went up from the walkers for the old man with the brimmed helmet.


    12.you wear a heart rate monitor during sex.
    I never thought about that, probably not needed.
    13.you’ve considered what can still be accomplished in life while a broken collarbone heals.
    I had an enjoyable recovery period, the orthopedic doctor didn't allow me to go back to work (heavy lifting all day). He told me I would be back on my bike and in my kayak long before I was allowed to go back to work. I didn't prove him wrong.
     
  16. ironlungs

    ironlungs Senior Member

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    You n me have these in common, Long.
    Climbing the hills: I'm slow, but my riding partner around Lake Erie, one year, would stop at the top of a climb to rest up. I quickly broke him of it!
    13) At 60 I'm just starting to LIVE! Also after a broken collar bone (clavicle) and six ribs. I got on the bike fast, bought a kayak, and found that was GREAT physical therapy! I did a backpacking trip. ...but with a waist belt pack, and very minimal gear. About 6 months later I did a 35 pound backpack trip. ...that bone HURT!
     
  17. longjohn

    longjohn tall old member

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    How was the trip around Lake Erie? I think of Cleveland, Toledo, Detroit, Buffalo, how do you route through/around those places? I tried it on my motorcycle one time trying to stay as close to the lake as possible. I hit an area of Cleveland that was downright scary.

    Shortly after breaking my clavicle and scapula I spent a week exploring Virginia on my bike. I didn't even get much grief from the misses just a reminder not to crash. When she heard me say I was going to take the kayak out she said "How do you know you can even paddle a kayak?" She came home from work and the kayak was on the pool deck, I had been practicing.:D
     
  18. ironlungs

    ironlungs Senior Member

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    Long, tenacity is the name of the game, huh. We started in central Ohio, near Delaware, Oh., and rode up through the Cuyahoga Valley Natl Park. Got to the Lake at Geneva. The WORST part was Ashtabula!
    We ride CCW,Through Buffalo, and into Canada, hugging the lake all the way to Leamington.Because we couldn't ride over the Windsor Bridge, and absolutely RUED the thought of going through Detroit, we took the ferry from Leamington to Sandusky, then back down to Delaware. It was about a 750 mile ride, if I recall. Camping was phenomenal, stealth camping even better! Sights, outstanding! We started in central Ohio to compensate the Windsor/ Detroit, Toledo debacle, as well as missing Sandusky through Cleveland main part.
     
  19. MilesR

    MilesR Mom's Taxi Tavern Member

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    You should have gone to Huron, OH and gone out on the pier. You would have seen where my grandfather used to take me fishing in the 50's.
     
  20. longjohn

    longjohn tall old member

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    If I remember right we did Huron and Port Clinton on GOBA 2009. Very nice area. That was the optional ride on a rest day in Elmore.