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You mount a sawed off shotgun where a frame pump would go.

There is tobacco spit juice on your down tube.

There is tobacco spit juice on your handlebars.

When you pass people you yell "Yeeeeeehaw!!!"

You stop to spray your girlfriends name on an overpass.

You stop to cover up your sisters name on an overpass to protect her honor.

You have a gooseneck trailer hitch on the back of your bike.

You have a tin of Skoal in your jersey pocket.


Please add your own.
 

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cammo spandex
 

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You are anti-helmet because it might mess up your mullet.

You replace your bent rear derailleur mount with a piece of Keystone Light beer can.

Fingerless gloves are as much fashion as function.

Wearing a mesh tank top is not only ventilates well, but your sister, I mean girls think it looks good.

Deer antlers on the handlebars.

You were able to mount SPD cleats to your Reebok Pumps.
 

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Have a racoons tail hanging from the back of your helmet.
 

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You are anti-helmet because it might mess up your mullet.
I've passed this guy several times recently. Pedaling as hard as he can with his mullet flowing in the breeze... wearing a wife beater tank top.
 

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Two skinny J's
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IF there is a black 3 painted any where on the frame.

If it takes more than 10 colors to recreate your paint scheme, one of which must be primer

If your saddle padding is also a whoppie cushion

If you can find duct tape on at least 3 bicycle parts
 

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Rat Biker
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Hmmm how bout wearing a Ford Racing ball cap instead of a helmet? :D (yes I do this)
 

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Rat Biker
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Have a Keith Stone racing jersey on.

Have Get 'er done! in white out on your wheels.

Have computer speakers mounted on your bike playing anything! LOL
 

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YAY BAIKS!
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You have these hanging off the back...

 

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Your idea of cycling shorts are denim cut-offs with a bandana stuffed in them for a chamois.

Your cycling eyewear are the louvered sunglasses from the '80s.

Your wallet/ID are not back at the car or in a jersey pocket, but instead stuffed in a leather wallet with a chain attached....with a spiffy "Harley Davidson" logo, natch.
 

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If you are stuck at the starting line of a bike race, still waiting for the "Gentlemen Start your Engines" command.

If you modify your mountain bike so it can pull a lawn mower.

If you have ever interrupted a bike ride to fish. Double points if it was in an above ground pool or a coy pond.

If you have ever worried about a bike crash because it might have damaged your tooth.
 

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Rat Biker
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If you are stuck at the starting line of a bike race, still waiting for the "Gentlemen Start your Engines" command.

If you modify your mountain bike so it can pull a lawn mower.

If you have ever interrupted a bike ride to fish. Double points if it was in an above ground pool or a coy pond.

If you have ever worried about a bike crash because it might have damaged your tooth.

This I have done many times :D not in many many years though lol
 

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If you have horn on your bike that plays Dixie.
 

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GiddyUp
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if you have a bike out in your driveway on concrete blocks.

if in carry a spit cup in one of your bottle cages.
 

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Younger than Hack
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If you have extended your forks and added to the rear dropouts to increase the ground clearance of your bike.

If you have Yosemite Sam mudflaps that say "back off" hanging from the back of your rear rack.

You have chrome air horns from a big rig mounted to the chainstays and the front tire is powering the compressor for them.

You have a "Keep honking. I'm reloading" sticker on it.
 
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